Note: Title comes from the song “Blue on Black” by the Kenny Wayne Shepherd Band
It was the hardest thing he had ever done. Trying to tell himself that he did not care for Erin, but knowing each thought was false. Trying to make himself believe that things were better this way. That thought he could almost believe, after all, what use was he to Erin? He was a metallic cripple with little more than sarcastic wit to offer to anyone.
They were thoughts that had plagued him since Endor, thoughts that for years he had easily believed, but now…Now some stubborn aspect of his nature refused to let him slip into the pained comfort of those beliefs. Something, or more accurately, someone was twisting his view of himself around, confusing old roles and forcing himself to look at his situation from a new viewpoint.
It was an experience that he was completely unprepared for.
Adding to his hardship were the lies he had told to his closest friend. But the words hadn’t been completely lies. He really had needed time to get things in order for the surprise that they were planning for Erin. But hopefully she would cherish their efforts.
He hoped that his plans would bring out the vibrant aspect of Erin’s nature that he had witnessed the night before. For a moment, he wondered that if she did let go of that reserved exterior, she might again feel some sort of passion for him, but he knew that such hopes would only lead to disappointment. There was no way in hell she would choose someone who was more scrap metal than flesh.
But that truth would not keep him from bringing her some sort of happiness. He cared about her too much not to try.
Sighing, he picked up the phone and dialed Lisa’s office number, hoping he would catch the woman in a good mood. With the right influence and enough cash, Ton was sure he could help make Erin’s dreams come true.
His only wish was that he could somehow find a place in those dreams.
Continued in Part Sixteen