Come What May
Part Nine - directly after the Battle of Endor
by Angela Jade
Vader... Anakin... Skywalker... your father...
Itís all too much to take in. I want to curl up in a corner somewhere and ignore what youíve just told me. I want to forget what that monster did to the galaxy, to my family and friends, and to countless others. How could something so evil have spawned someone so... you?
But I guess I have to deal with it. I have to protect you. From those that would punish you because of your fatherís crimes. From those that would hide you away so you donít have to face the galaxy. From yourself...
"Youíre doing it again, Luke."
"Huh? Doing what?" He looked up at Wedge from his seat by the Tydiriumís viewport, shafts of sunlight, split and warped from the dense foliage outside, streaking across his face and torso.
Wedge pushed himself off the cockpit console and uncrossed his arms as he moved to stand in front of Luke. "Thinking too much."
Luke smiled enigmatically as he looked up, his expression surprisingly calm and self-assured. "I have a lot to think about. Iím the last of the old Jedi, the first of the new. The Emperor is gone and..."
"...and so is Vader," finished Wedge.
"Anakin," Luke corrected gently, his smile faltering.
Wedge shrugged. "From what youíve told me, I reckon Anakin Skywalker died a long time ago."
"Maybe." Lukeís gaze returned to the viewport and the Endorian forest beyond. "Maybe."
Hunkering down, Wedge settled his hands on Lukeís thighs, squeezing gently to recapture his attention. "I thought we flew out here to be alone together. To talk."
"We did." His lips made a thin line as he pressed them together. "I just donít know what to talk about any more."
"Hmm." Wedge grinned wryly. "How about we start with what the hell happened to your hair?" Reaching up, he ruffled his friendís neatly combed hair. "There. Thatís better."
"Hey! It wasnít that bad." Luke made a passable attempt at a glare. "Better than yours. Looks like you were hit by an ion cannon."
"My excuse is helmet hair. Whatís yours?"
"I donít know," replied Luke with a shrug. "Just trying to look more... controlled, I guess."
"There is such a thing as too much control." Wedgeís smile slowly became more wistful. "You used to be one of the most impetuous people I knew."
"Do you miss the old days, Wedge?" Luke whispered, his eyes intent on Wedgeís. "When we were just pilots living from one mission to the next?"
"Sometimes, yes," admitted Wedge, somewhat reluctantly. It seemed inappropriate - shameful, even - to miss a time when death surrounded them and took so many of their friends. "Everything seemed so much simpler back then, more black and white. Shoot down TIEs. Take out a gun emplacement. Run cover for a supply freighter. Weíd do the job then go home, wherever Ďhomeí was that week. No politics, no diplomacy..." He grinned suddenly, twin sparks materializing in his eyes. "I remember the first night you hit on me."
Luke smiled, the true smile that lit up his whole face; the rare one few people ever saw. "I only hit on you because youíd been staring at me all night."
"Couldnít take my eyes off you," confessed Wedge happily. He reached up with one hand and ran a finger over Lukeís cheek, just barely brushing the skin. "Actually, Iíd been watching you for days, from the moment I first met you on Yavin. You just didnít notice."
Luke caught his hand and pressed a kiss to the palm. "Oh, but I did notice. I just didnít have the courage to say anything to you."
"Half a bottle of Corellian brandy and Han Solo threatening to tap into the comm and tell everyone I was a virgin if I didnít hurry up and get myself laid."
Wedgeís mouth dropped open in surprise. He could remember that first time with Luke as if it were yesterday, and he could have sworn... "You were a virgin?"
"Not really. But Hanís never been one to concern himself with details." He took Wedgeís other hand and held them both between his palms, his expression serious once more. "You know, I think I fell in love with you that night."
Heat suffused Wedgeís face. "I doubt it. It was probably just post-coital happy feelings or something."
"When you told me you didnít sleep with pilots, I almost gave up there and then. You seemed so sure of yourself and I was just some stupid kid that made a lucky shot..."
"It wasnít luck, Luke. You know that."
Luke didnít seem to hear him. "But every time I looked at you, your eyes were already on me, and you got slower and slower at looking away. I sat down beside you, and you touched my hand and said Ďjust for tonightí - and I was happy. Then when you finally kissed me..." Lukeís head tilted to one side. "When did you realize you were in love with me?"
Heíd adored the man for years, had opened himself to him, mind, body, and soul; yet still it felt strange to hear Luke discussing their feelings for each other so candidly. "Umm, Hoth, I think. When you were missing overnight it felt..." He swallowed. "It felt like Iíd been kicked in the stomach, like Iíd gone all hollow inside. Iíve never felt like that about anyone before. I realized I couldnít live without you."
Leaning forward, Luke kissed him gently, his lips scarcely touching Wedgeís. When he pulled back, his eyes were twinkling. "And before Hoth?"
Wedge grinned widely. "Before Hoth I had a gorgeous bed partner who was always willing and could keep going all night." A wry shrug. "And if Iím totally honest, I liked how you kinda depended on me. No one ever looked up to me like you did."
"You were easy to look up to. Still are."
"Nah." Wedge shook his head. "Youíre the one everyone looks up to now."
Lukeís features twisted into a grimace and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "And I hate it, Wedge. The way everyone looks at me - itís as if the lightsaber I wear gives out some kind of Jedi aura they canít see beyond. Iím supposed to be all-knowing, all-powerful..." His gaze dropped. "Youíre one of the few people that treats me like Iím a normal being."
Freeing one of his hands from Lukeís grasp, Wedge tilted his chin back up the few centimeters it had fallen, recapturing his gaze. Words didnít come easily to Wedge - heíd always struggled with the complex language of diplomacy and politics, and sometimes envied his more scholarly friends who could phrase their thoughts in a single sentence. All Wedge could do was tell the truth. "I love you, Luke Skywalker."
Luke nodded, his blue eyes steady and composed. "I donít know what to do, Wedge."
"Címere." Wedgeís voice cracked as his hand slipped to the back of Lukeís neck.
Although their kiss was slow, tenderness quickly escalated into passion, lips and tongues expressing what words could not. They stood as one, their bodies pressed firmly together as the kiss deepened even further.
I can feel your desire, can smell it and even taste it; a force so powerful it could easily overwhelm me, were it not for the passion I feel for you in return. You tremble in my arms, your erection pressed against mine, firm as steel and begging for release. I want to strip you, to touch and taste you like I havenít done in such a long time, to have you fuck me until I scream...
"Whatís wrong?" asked Wedge, his brain finally registering that Luke had stopped kissing him and was beginning to pull away.
"I... Iím not sure I should..." Breathless and shaking, Luke pressed his hands to Wedgeís chest, his eyes downcast once more.
Wedge refused to let him go. "I want you," he murmured, his voice husky with need.
Luke took in a long, deep breath, and when he finally looked back up, the mask Wedge had only barely been aware of had slipped back into place. "Iím a Jedi, Wedge. I have responsibilities, standards I must live up to..."
Understanding clicked into place. "And since when did that include celibacy?"
"The Jedi have always..."
"Weíve had this discussion before, Luke," snapped Wedge. "Just because the Old Republic Jedi opposed emotional attachments doesnít mean you have to. It certainly didnít do them much good, did it?"
"But what if Iím wrong?" whispered Luke, a hint of pain creeping into his eyes. "In the past few months I have learned how strong I am, what Iím physically capable of. If I so much as touch the dark side..." He paused and his gaze seemed to burrow into Wedge. "Maybe itís better if I do withdraw, find somewhere quiet away from everyone where I can control it..."
"No!" Anger churned in his gut, and it was all Wedge could do to stop himself from shaking Luke. "If you do something wrong, youíll have me and Leia and Han and Chewie... hell, youíll have half the Rebellion knocking on your door to tell you about it. Weíre your friends, Luke. You canít shut us out."
"But I have to control myself..."
"Control?" Wedge took a step towards Luke, forcing him back against the bulkhead. For an instant, he wished he could touch the mysterious power that was the Force, wished that he could see beyond the blue eyes full of anguish and get some inkling of what Luke was thinking. But no startling insight, no telepathic understanding was forthcoming, and he realized heíd have to rely on guesswork as usual.
"Control?" Wedge growled again, hoping like hell that Luke wouldnít shove him away too hard. He treated Luke to the 1000-megawatt Antilles glare. "Control this."
And he kissed him.
Your mouth responds to mine instantly, your lips parting for me like they always have. You taste like summer, like a forest, like the stars... If I cannot persuade you not to leave me, at least I will always have the memory of your kiss.
I love you.
I press myself against you, partly to let you know what youíll be missing, but mostly because I love the feel of you against me. Our bodies have always fitted together so exactly, as if they knew something it took us a long time to admit to each other. Iíve missed you so much that I still canít quite believe Iíve actually got you here. Alive.
I need you.
Your moan sends electricity racing through my body, and my hands slide down to your hips. Perhaps you can control yourself, can deny what I know you must feel. But I cannot.
I want you.
Lukeís belt fell noisily to the deck but neither man flinched, so intent were they on each other. Wedgeís hands quickly found their way through layers of clothing to taut stomach muscles and a high waistband that was no match for his nimble fingers. They crept under the material to the warm, soft flesh beneath, wrists easing the trousers down over buttocks and thighs, over a turgid erection...
"You canít control everything," murmured Wedge against Lukeís cheek, his lips brushing the skin with every syllable. "Sometimes you just have to let someone else take the lead." He barely registered Lukeís whispered "no" as he slid to his knees and took him in his mouth, impatiently tugging the black trousers down further.
Slowly and rhythmically Wedge suckled his lover, lips over skin, his tongue registering every nuance of texture, first deep, then shallow... trying to act as if this was identical to all the other times heíd loved him like this, yet always aware that Luke hadnít exactly agreed to sex.
"No." Lukeís reply was scarcely even a whisper, precarious and unsure.
Wedge continued regardless. A low moan felt like music to his ears, and he quickly echoed the moan, humming gently as he licked and sucked and stroked. He felt a hand settle on his head, caressing his hair, and he fought down a triumphant smile. Instead, he relaxed his throat muscles and swallowed his lover down as far as he could.
"Wedge," Luke breathed; and then he came, his thighs shaking as he thrust forward involuntarily.
The hand on his head tensed and then relaxed as Wedge swallowed over and over. Finally it slipped to his shoulder and he rested his forehead against Lukeís thigh, gulping in air. A long moment passed before he plucked up the courage to stand and face the consequences of his actions. "Sorry."
Luke was watching him from beneath languid, half-closed eyelids, his head tipped back against the bulkhead. He blew out a sigh. "Donít be." One arm reached for Wedge and pulled him close. "You know me better than anyone else. I may not always agree with you, but I will always listen."
Wedge managed a weak smile. "I care about you."
"I know." A melting kiss, slow and deliberate. "Do you really think itíll be alright, Wedge? The old Jedi order lasted for thousands of years - they must have had their reasons..."
"Luke, we could discuss this until the sun burns out." He reached up and ran a hand down Lukeís jaw. "Until you can give me a good reason for denying what you are... what we are... I will always want to be with you, Jedi or not." He sighed. "Love is natural, Luke. Denying its existence is like refusing to breathe - it makes no sense and eventually youíll hurt yourself. You want to play the controlled Jedi knight? Fine - but you donít have to be him with me. Just be Luke."
A long pause. "Hmm." Lukeís mouth curved into a sensuous smile and he reached down to fondle Wedgeís erection. "You know what we havenít done in a long, long time?"
"What?" replied Wedge, his breath hitching in his throat.
Luke brushed his lips across Wedgeís, more a touch than a kiss. "You want me to lose control? Okay." He raised his lashes and there was more than a hint of a challenge in his eyes. "Fuck me."
The Gods must love me. What did I ever do to get this lucky?
I sink into you further and watch your eyes widen with pleasure. I love watching your eyes when we have sex - they seem to go through every known shade of blue. And those little sounds you make when you breathe just make me move faster, pushing deeper into you as I reach down to kiss you. I may not be able to read your mind, but I can read your bodyís reactions like an old, favorite novel.
Yes, I can make you lose control.
Your eyes drift closed as you reach up and grab the handrail over your head with both hands, and your chest swells as you suck in a breath. Youíre close now, very close. The muscles in your arms bulge as you tense up, and I suddenly realize Iím close, too. I concentrate on those muscles, the line and form and movement, as your hands tighten and your back arches.
Come on, Luke. I want... I need to see you come.
I press on, again and again and again... watching as ecstasy begins to overcome you. Your eyes are squeezed shut and you push back towards me, your body hunting for that feeling, that fleeting moment, the one you would deny yourself because of someone elseís beliefs. Give in, Luke.
"Please," whispered Luke, his eyes flicking open to meet Wedgeís gaze. "Please..."
Wedge drove into him as deeply as he could manage, his arms shaking as he struggled not to collapse onto the man beneath him. "Come on, Luke," he growled through clenched teeth. "Itís me. Youíre safe with me."
And suddenly, it was there in his eyes. Trust. "I know." And then he was arching up once more, a look of total wonder on his face, wiping away all traces of age, pain, and sadness. The handrail he gripped squealed a metallic protest as it buckled under his strength, and a violent shudder ran the length of his body.
"Yes!" yelled Wedge. Finally. And he, too, gave in and threw himself into paradise.
Shifting slightly in his loverís arms, Wedge surreptitiously tried to move his hip further away from the edge of the bench they were precariously balanced on. "Yíknow, I donít think these things were built for two."
Luke propped his head up on one arm and grinned at him. "Iíll inform the Empireís shuttle designers at once. This flaw wonít go unpunished."
Wedge swatted at Lukeís chest and grinned back. "And ask them to install lube-dispensers while youíre at it. If they want people to go around having sex in their ships they need a few amenities."
"Yeah, like padded seating."
Luke tapped the handrail at his head. "And better quality restraint bars."
Wedge nodded, his fingers tracing tiny circular patterns on Lukeís stomach as his smile turned pensive. "What happens now, Luke?"
"To the Rebellion or to us?"
Blowing out a sigh, Luke regarded him steadily. "Are you planning on staying in the military?"
"Yes." There was no hesitation. "Itís my life."
"And I guess my life is going to be resurrecting the Jedi order," said Luke quietly, running a hand through Wedgeís hair. "At least it will be, once things settle down and itís safe for me to start hunting out Force-sensitives."
"What do you plan on doing until then?"
Luke didnít answer for a long moment as he meticulously tucked a lock of dark hair behind Wedgeís ear, his expression solemn. "I had kinda decided to go into retreat, to meditate and figure out my future. Now Iím not so sure."
"Can I make a suggestion?"
Hauling himself up, Wedge found a small, empty square of the bench on which to balance his elbow. "I have a mountain of time off due which Ackbarís been reminding me of on a monthly basis. How about we take that holiday we always said we would? Somewhere remote, where we wonít be recognized, and you can meditate to your heartís content."
Luke raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Where?"
"Well, I hear Mon Calamariís nice this time of year. Rebels are welcome." He leaned in conspiratorially. "Lots of water."
"I donít know." He swallowed, frown lines creasing his forehead. "Han and Leia..."
"...can manage fine without you, at least for a few weeks or so." Wedge dipped down and kissed his chin. "We need a break, Luke. Weíre too close to everything to figure out the present, let alone the future."
It seemed like an eternity to Wedge, lying there watching Lukeís face for any hint of agreement. But the young Jediís expression remained impassive, and after several minutes of silence had passed Wedge seriously wondered if he was just being teased.
At that very moment Lukeís face broke into a huge grin, and he reached out to pull Wedge in for a thorough kiss. "Water, you say? I think I like the sound of that."
Continued in Part Ten