Des Larmes et du Sang
When I woke up, I was immediately aware of two things. First was the fact that my throat was raw. Second was the fact that I was tied down.
I tried to sit up, to look around, but my head exploded in pain.
"Wes?" I managed to focus on the form of my father, sitting next to my head.
"Hhnn…" I tried to speak, but my throat was so raw, nothing but a dry rasping noise emerged.
A straw appeared in my mouth. I gratefully sucked at the water.
"Dad! Why am I tied down? What happened? How did the Rogues die?"
"Wes, the reason you are tied down is because the when you were not, you tried to kill yourself. You're on a suicide watch, and the only way they could stop you from hurting yourself was to restrain you. As to your question of how the Rogues died, all I know is that the ambush you all were caught in killed you all."
I just stared. Then I just started crying, and I couldn't stop. I was only dimly aware that Dad got up and walked out. I cried and cried and cried. I looked at my wrists, and the slash marks across them and the hint of blood on my skin. I howled like a wounded beast until I shut my eyes and slept.
I don't know how I made it through the next month. My family, my mother in particular, insisted that I live. She said that I had to remember what I still had. But what did I still have? Nothing! Hobbie was dead! The man I loved was dead! What is life without the one you love? Yes, I could `live.' I could pretend. I could live my life in a dream. But why? Why live life from dream to dream?
They had to force feed me. They had to tie me down, they had to tie my jaw shut so I wouldn't bite myself, they had to put blocks over my shredded wrists so I would stop clawing at them. They didn't understand. They just didn't understand. I didn't want to live without Hobbie. I wanted to go, so if nothing else I could be with the one I loved.
Then, one day, that started like any other, one not so very special day, the Admiral himself came to see me. He told me that the Rogues were alive. He told me that they had faked their deaths so as to confuse Krennel. Did I want to go see them now? Did I want to go see Hobbie? Did I? I'll say I did!
Even that horrible Ewok dance that Wedge did didn't rob me of my joy. Actually, it magnified it. I don't know how long it took before I stopped laughing.
And then there was Hobbie. Gently, he kissed my tears away and licked the traces of blood from my wrists. He loved me. I kissed his tears away, for he had thought me dead, as well. And we were truly reunited.
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