Borsk's Song (Asshole)
by Claire

(It helps if you know the Denis Leary version of this song. Which I guess belongs to him. But I like it so Iím ripping it off. In other words, if this ever sees the light of day, not mine, please donít sue, and check out the original to get the point.)


Gentlebeings, I'd like to sing a song about the New Rebublic Dream. About me. About you. The way our New Republic hearts beat down in the bottom of our chests. About the special feeling we get in the cockles of our pulmonary arches, maybe below the cockles, maybe in the sub-cockle area. Maybe in the liver. Maybe in the kidneys. Maybe even in your brain tails. Whatever you have.


Iím just a regular Joíe, with a regular job,
Iím your average Bothan, political nob,
I like smashball, and power, and waging the war
Iíve got a huge freakin house,
With a nice security door
No wife and no kids, cos I canít score at all,
My feet on the table, being rubbed by Darth Maul
But sometimes that just ainít enough, to keep a guy like me interested, oh no, no way, uh-uh, no Iíve gotta go out and have fun, at someone elseís expense
(Oh yeah) Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

I make trouble for everyone who doesnít let me reign,
While people around me, are driven insane

I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, such an asshole)
I use NR pilots, for my own little schemes,
I twist all the evidence, so it ainít what it seems.
I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (He's the galaxy's biggest asshole)

Sometimes I park meetings in hot grassy places,
So Mon Cals and Wookiees make pissed off faces

I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (He's a real fucking asshole)

Maybe I shouldn't be singing this song
Ranting and raving and carrying on
Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong

I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (He's the world's biggest asshole)


You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna cover up all evidence Bothans were involved in the destruction of Caamasi, Iím gonna hide what I know behind layers of lies, and discredit everyone who might find the truth

yeah! And I'm gonna push for it to be buried under security so tight, the freakin Emperor couldnít find out, and while Iím at it Iíll plot against everyone cos I want the power, in the good old fashioned dictator sort of way and when I'm done destroying all my rivals, Iím gonna I'm gonna wipe my ass with the New Republic flag and then I'm gonna throw my lot in with the Vong, and there ain't a God damned thing anybody can do about it.

You know why? Because Iíve got the clones, that's why.

Two words. Spaarti fucking cylinders, okay?! Correllia, Coruscant, Bespin- they can have all the freedom from the Empire they want.

They can have a big Freedom from the Empire cake-walk right through the middle of the Alderaanean Graveyard and it won't make a lick of difference because we've got the clones, okay?! Grand Admiral Thrawnís not dead - he's frozen. And as soon as we find the cure for vicious stab wounds we're gonna thaw out the dude and he's gonna be pretty pissed off. You know why? Have you ever taken a cold shower? Well multiple that by 15-million times, that's how pissed off the Grand Admiral's gonna be. I'm gonna get the Grand Admiral and Emperor Palpatine...


and Ysanne Isard


and Flirry Vorru


And a case of Corellian Whiskey and take down the defence shields on Coruscant...

(Hey, you know you really are an asshole)

Why don't you just shut-up and sing the song pal!

I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (He's the world's biggest asshole)

A-S-S-H-O-L-E Everybody! A-S-S-H-O-L-E


Arf Arf Arf Arf Arf Arf Arf

Fung achng tum a fung tum a fling chum

Oooh Oooh


I'm an asshole and proud of it!


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