Fenig Durak

Wedge blinked hard and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. Smacking his lips, he frowned deeply at the dry taste in his mouth. Slowly, he stumbled out of his room and was welcomed by the sight of Luke and Hobbie already seated, and eating breakfast.

"G'morning, sunshine," Luke cheerfully stammered at the scowling Wedge.

Wedge grunted his monosyllabic response and fell into the last empty seat at the table. His dark hair was fluffed around the left side of his head, a round flat spot marked the right side, where his head had been pressed into his pillow.

"How'd you sleep?" Hobbie had trouble looking his Commander in the eye, stiffling his broken laughter with his cup of caf.

Eyeing them both suspiciously, Wedge turned to Luke. "Caf?"

"If you mean, 'Luke, would you be a pal and pour me some caf so I can join the conscious world?' Sure." Luke stood from the table and grabbed a clean cup from the dish recycler.

"I have a question."

"Sure thing, Wedge." Hobbie succeeded in keeping a straight face this time.

"How did I get a Gummi Ewok stuck to my, uhm..." Wedge pointed down to his lap and cleared his throat brusquely.

Hobbie and Luke exchanged gleeful glances and started laughing.

"Well, it's a funny story."

"I bet."


"And make sure to get a lot, because I'm thirsty!" Wedge Antilles was drunk, and he had every intention of drinking more.

Luke and Hobbie stared at the normally somber and sober Wedge, both men bursting into laughter at the wide-eyed grin peering at them over the back of the couch.

"Sure, Wedge. Whatever you say," Hobbie turned stammered out between breaths.

"Mm, good." Wedge's grin covered face turned from the two blonde men back to the portable holonet console on his lap. He was having quite the time typing to the alleged female on the other end. His words were becoming less recognizable with every sip he took of Hobbie's concoction.

What seemed like five standard minutes to Wedge was actually twenty and the two men returned, their arms full of bags.

"We brought you something." Luke triumphantly held up a little pouch of Gummi Ewoks, and Wedge practically launched himself out of the sofa, dropping the console to the floor, and tearing the pouch from Luke's startled hand. Earlier that evening, upon Wedge's first sip, he declared that it 'tasted like yellow Gummi Ewoks!'

"Fank oo," Wedge managed to spit out around the huge mouthful of the candy, and he happily trotted back to the couch to find the console on the floor, missing two keys and having shut itself off. He shrugged and turned a fresh smile to Hobbie as he bought another drink.

Half the drink was downed as soon as the glass touched his warm fingers.

"Slow down, Wedge."

"Oh, sith you, Hobbie. Corellians can handle their liquor just fine." Wedge's few steps from the couch to the balcony were circuitous and very unstable, but somehow, he managed to join Luke on the balcony high above the surface of Coruscant.

Luke was staring out over the night lights of the city planet, a soft breeze teasing at the sandy blonde mop he called hair.

Wedge downed the last half of his drink, blinked hard a few times, and leaned over the railing to the black abyss below. "You know, when I look down from here, I think of how far my spit would have to fall."

Luke covered his laughter with his hand and a question. "How many have you had, Antilles?"

Wedge looked sidelong to Luke and held up three fingers. "I forget."

Luke's laughter rang out above the sounds of the holovid that Hobbie was starting to play. His laughter increasing when he saw Wedge and the long trail of spit hanging from his bottom lip.

"You thoud weally twy this. It feels neat!" Wedge swung his head back and forth slowly, the spit trailing after him until a gust of wind broke the string and the spit went plummeting to it's doom in the lower levels below.

"I had no idea you were this funny drunk." Luke's laughter continued until Wedge turned back from the railing and smiled gleefully at him.

"Darth Vader was a sass hole!" From the sound of it, Wedge's tongue was sticking to the rook of his mouth.

Luke was speechless as he watched the clueless Wedge bounce back into the apartment.

Instead of taking his previous seat on the couch, he proceeded directly to the small kitchenette with his empty glass, only to fill it with more of Hobby's mysterious mix.

He took a long drink and chased it with a small handful of the precious Gummy Woks. As soon as the candy was in his mouth, he wrinkled his nose in displeasure and ran for the balcony. He spit the mouthful out and wrinkled is nose again and nodded to himself.

Luke, very confused, stared at his inebriated friend.

Wedge turned back from the railing to Luke's baffled face. "They were too hard," he said simply and took his drink and the pouch back inside.

Painstakingly careful, Wedge set his drink down, then clumsily collapsed into the couch, a huge grin taking over his features.

Luke followed him inside and took a seat on the second sofa with Hobbie. "What are we watching tonight?"

Before Hobbie could answer, Wedge's arms opened wide and he declared in his booming 'Commander voice,' "I am Wedge Antilles. I am the greatest fighter pilot in the universe!" Dramatically, he pointed over to Luke, accidentally hitting the man's ear with his index finger. "And you! You are Luke! You used to be the greatest pilot, but NO! Now you are a Jedi!"

His arm swung from Luke's face to point more distantly at Hobbie. "And you! You are Hobbie!" Wedge's face twisted in clouded thought as the silence wore on.

Luke and Hobbie broke into gales of laughter.

Wedge threw his arms out wide, opened his mouth jus as wide and promptly passed out. Hobbie grabbed a blanket from the end of the couch, attempting to cover the snoring Antilles up. Instead, Wedge came to, with his second burst of energy.

The severely startled Hobbie fell back on his rear with a pained 'Oof' as Wedge jumped up on the couch, making the couch tip over backwards, spilling the cushions, pillows, blanket and pilot to the floor in a heap.

Luke covered his face with his hands and shook his head as Wedge struggled with the pillows and blanket, succeeding to stand with the blanket wrapped around his leg, trailing behind him as he made his way slowly for the kitchen. "This is the last time you're making that drink for him."

Wedge pranced back into the living area, sans blanket, carrying his fifth drink, a triumphant grin on his face. For the plastered pilot, walking and drinking proved too difficult and he tripped over his own feet, spilling himself and the drink to the floor in a clattering mess worthy of a protocol droid.

Wedge stood back up to the warbling, shaky laughter of Luke and Hobbie. His face twisted in pain, and Wedge ran his hands through his hair.

"What's wrong, Wedge?" Luke started to stand from his comfy seat on the couch.

"Nuffin, bosh." Wedge turned slowly around and started to walk as casually as possible to the 'fresher. Shutting the door behind him, he turned the sink and the shower on full blast and proceeded to share his five drinks with the toilet.

In the living area, Hobbie grinned at Luke. Luke nodded knowingly and started laughing gently. "Let's just let him be. Start the holovid."

Hobbie mock saluted and pressed the play button right as they heard the water turn off. Both looked up at Wedge as she came stumbling out of the 'fresher.

"Feeling better, Wedge?"

The Corellian waved a hand at the voice permeating his stupor and he grumbled. Laughter accompanied his clumsy retreat into his room.

Wedge slammed the door closed and collapsed on the bed.


"So that's the whole story, Wedge. Digestive pyrotechnics and all." Luke handed the cup of strong caf to Wedge, taking a seat at the table again, across from Wedge and the snickering Hobbie.

"Why did you two let me drink so much?"

The two men shrugged. "It didn't occur to us to stop you."

Wedge glared at Hobbie. "That still doesn't answer my question."

"Oh, right. We aren't really sure how you got a Gummi Ewok stuck to your....your....Maybe you should ask the Gummi Ewok?" Luke's last comment was broken up while he struggled with his laughter.

Wedge glared into his cup of caf as he took a drink. "I really hate you guys sometimes."


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