What, No Missing Person Ad?
by Ili


On a bright (and hot) Mississippi summer day, one could find Ili outside lying in a hammock. This in and of itself was not unusual unless one knew Ili. After all, she almost always stayed inside, usually doing something with her computer. On this day, however, the hammock had beckoned to her and she'd taken a book and a Dr.Pepper out with her to enjoy the fresh air. Ili was quite engrossed in her book when a shadow suddenly blocked the sunlight directly above her.

"Go 'way, Dad, let me enjoy a nice summer day, please? No lawn mowing or car washing?" she didn't bother to look up to see who it was.

There was a slight chuckle and then a strange yet oddly familiar man's voice said, "I think I'm just a bit too young to be your dad."

Ili slowly looked up from her book and her eyes widened as she took in the blonde man standing there. This definitely was not her dad. "Erm...." she said intelligently.

He grinned a bit at her and held out his hand, "You're Iliana, right?"

She looked at the man oddly, studying his features (he was quite easy on the eyes after all), "Just call me Ili." she replied automatically as she shook his hand, "And you are?..."

His grin got a bit bigger, "That's not all that important right now..." he thought for a moment, then..."you like Star Wars, don't you?"

She raised an eyebrow and tried to sit up in the hammock and say 'of course' at the same time. Obviously she wasn't very coordinated because she landed in a heap beneath the hammock. She glared up at it and grumbled, "This is why I don't come outside often...and as far as Star Wars goes..." she pointed to her book, the title on the cover said 'Starfighters of Adumar'. He chuckled again and offered her his hand to help her up. "Perhaps you ought to sit in a regular chair, Ili."

Ili glanced at the stranger, the way he said her name was odd. It was almost as if he were rolling it around on his tongue and savoring it the way one does with a fine wine. She shrugged it off and tried to look helpless as she allowed him to pull her to her feet, "I'd probably fall out of the chair, too, and why won't you tell me your name?"

"Because you don't particularly need to know it, and you wouldn't believe me anyway."

"Try me."

He grinned, "All in good time...tell me, how would you like to meet the man of your dreams?" His grin turned into a dashing smile.

Ili looked at him suspiciously, "First off, that was the worst pick- up line I have ever heard, and second, the man of my dreams is entirely fictional so there's no way I could ever meet him."

"Trust me," he countered, "you could."

She shook her head, "Why should I trust someone I don't even know?"

He ran a hand through his short blonde hair and then leaned forward so that he was looking directly into Ili's eyes. "Because, my dear, you know me a lot better than you think you do."

A sudden dawning realization clicked in Ili's brain and her eyes widened. Before she could say anything else, she fainted.

The mysterious man sighed softly and gathered Ili into his arms. He then made his way toward a partially hidden VW van where his accomplices were waiting.

~*~

Meanwhile, at the van

~*~

Another blonde man pushed long bangs out of his eyes as he kept an eye out for his friend and the girl.

"Any sign of them?" asked his friend in the driver's seat.

"None yet."

About thirty seconds later.

"Any sign of them?"

A frustrated growl rose from the blonde man's throat, "You just asked me that! Just like you've been asking me that same question every five seconds for the last ten minutes!"

The driver shrugged, unperturbed, "I'm impatient, so sue me."

There was a muttered, "I might...if you had anything worth suing for." and then the lookout said louder, "They're coming!" He ran around and opened the back door to the van so that they could get in as the driver started the engine.

As they pulled off, one could hear from the driver, "What'd you do? Knock her senseless?"

~*~

Ili's eyes fluttered open and she looked around the room she was in. She was lying on a large comfy bed and the room had cushions of various sizes scattered around it. Where am I? she wondered. About then, the door opened and a young woman walked in and grinned at Ili. "Hi."

Ili rubbed her eyes and just blinked for a moment. "Where am I?"

"Well, you know how you're a member of the Wedge Antilles Admiration Society?"

Ili looked somewhat confused, "Uhm, yes."

"Well, this is the WAAS castle."

Ili's jaw dropped slightly, "WAAS castle??" she said skeptically.

"Yeah, I'm Elizabeth, by the way. You were supposed to be invited first so that it wasn't a surprise but I s'pose a certain group of pilots couldn't wait. So they sort of kidnapped you."

"I....see." It was obvious from the look on her face that she didn't.

Izzy smiled. "You'll get used to it. Unless you'd like to go back to your home."

"I-....I'm not sure."

"Well, how about a tour first? Then you can decide."

Ili nodded uncertainly and followed Izzy out of the room and into a long hallway. She proceeded to then follow Izzy all around the WAAS castle, from the members' rooms, to the extensive kitchen, the excercise room, the jacuzzi, the pool, the large den area, and the pilots' hangar.

"Wow." was all Ili could say...she was a bit busy staring at the X- Wing directly in front of her.

"You like it?" asked a, by now, familiar male voice behind her.

Ili turned to see Hobbie. It had taken her a while of talking with him before he'd...kidnapped... her to recognize him but now she realised that it really was him. She smiled shyly at him, "Yes, I do."

Hobbie winked at Izzy, "I think I'll finish the tour."

Izzy grinned knowingly and nodded, "Sure." She then disappeared from the hangar, presumably to find Wedge.

"So," Hobbie asked, "What have you seen so far?" Ili told him what Izzy had shown her and when she finished Hobbie got a rakish grin that Ili thought might suit Wes better. "I guess that means she didn't show you the best room in the whole place, then."

***Warning, Bothan sighting coming soon, it's not my fault if you're scarred for life.***

Ili raised an eyebrow, "If it's none of the rooms I just named then, no, I guess not." Hobbie linked arms with her and continued grinning, "Then, by all means, allow me to show it to you." Ili just nodded as Hobbie escorted her out into the hallway. Before they could get very far, they heard a yelp and footsteps running toward them. Hobbie and Ili turned to see Wedge running like a bat out of hell toward them. Hobbie swore under his breath as Wedge passed them.

"What's going on?" asked Ili.

"Borsk got out again."

Before Ili could ask any more questions or Hobbie could elaborate further, a Bothan in a thong with a wild look in his eyes came hurtling past them yelling, "Wedge, wait! Don't deny your feelings!" Ili had just enough time to raise an eyebrow and get a very squicked look on her face before Anti carrying a whip and chains ran by with Izzy close behind. At Ili's questioning look to Hobbie, he explained.

***Okay, the Bothan's gone***

"We keep a dungeon below the castle for people like Borsk. Essentially, whoever we don't like. Anti is the dungeon mistress and it's her job to make sure they don't get out. Every now and again, somehow, Borsk finds a way out and takes off after Wedge. I don't know why they don't just send him back to Coruscant or Bothawui and get him away from here." At the end of his explanation, Hobbie shuddered.

Ili nodded. "I think I understand...sort of. So, what were you going to show me that's so wonderful?"

"This way, madam." Hobbie led Ili through the castle's maze of hallways before stopping before a nodescript-looking door. "Here we are."

"What's this?"

"You'll see, close your eyes first though."

"How'm I going to see if my eyes are closed?"

Hobbie sighed patiently, "I want to surprise you."

"Ooookay," Ili closed her eyes. Just as she did, she heard Hobbie open the door and felt him lead her into the room and then heard him shut the door behind them. "May I open my eyes now?" she asked. She heard a light click on and then Hobbie replied, "Yes, go ahead." Ili opened her eyes to see...a bed. A neatly made up bed at that. She looked around the room to see a neatly kept bedroom. There was no clutter anywhere that she could see and the room was quite stylishly decorated. "Whose room is this?"

Hobbie winked at her, "Mine."

She feigned a mildly confused look, "And this is the most wonderful room in the whole castle?"

He smiled, "It is now that you're in it." Ili blushed and ducked her head slightly. Hobbie tipped her chin up with his fingers to look into her eyes, "So, shall I show you exactly why this room is perfect with you in it?" Ili's blush deepened but she just nodded.

***Censored***

~*~

A week later, Ili was sitting down for breakfast. She grabbed a milk carton and studied it intently from every angle. Anti shot her an odd look. "What're you doing?" Ili grinned sheepishly, "I got kidnapped and I didn't get my face on a milk carton? How depressing."


Finis


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