Ford, Face and Mish (well, actually it was more like, Ford, Mish and Face, since Mish was busy being helped up by Face, or rather that Face was busy helping Mish up from the sofa, in that Mish wasn't actually all that drunk, just taken to talking to cheeseplants randomly when they decided to start up conversations with her, be they non-intellectual conversations...blithering in parentheses) skidded into the Control Room of the Starship Heart of Gold and wondered what Zaphod was on about.
There, in the control room, sat the WAASers. An', Anti, Claire, AJ, Ili, Kat, Kat, elizabeth, Glim, Sil and everyone else Mish has forgotten to include for reasons best left unsaid (but then again, it might have something to do with the fact that Face's arm had ever-so-casually wrapped itself around her waist, which would, let's face it, distract even the most undistractable girl).
"Mish!!" Claire exclaimed, "Dude!"
Mish Flourishy-Bow-Thing-ed, the progress of which was made ever-so difficult by Face's hand, during which found a much more unsuitable place to rest itself. After much mental effort, Mish un-Flourishy-Bow-Thing-ed, and smiled. "You were expecting someone taller?" she asked.
Wedge and Tycho, in the midst of the WAASers, looked a little TOO happy, and Mish noticed that Kat(rin) and Claire, the two other major Facettes in the group, were narrowing their eyes at her. She felt suddenly better . . . Uh, I mean, worse. Instantly worse. Her feelings were helped, however, by her noticing Tycho again - not an uncommon thing - who was now standing behin An', who looked happy and content, obviously a result of The Author re-reading "Curtain #1" in the WAAS archive in a desperate search for inspiration for a sadly-lacking-in-plot Hitchhiker's Guide / Star Wars crossover . . . Oops, I've said too much.
"I told you the probable was improbable." Ford said to Zaphod, sliding into the chair next to him.
"You didn't say that!" Zaphod objected.
"Yeah, well, I meant to say it."
Mish sighed slightly and leaned back into Face.
Face really wasn't sure he could cope with the Indecision Of Mish for much longer, considering that she seemed to be sighing over Ford all the time and not himself.
Thankfully for Face, Claire had appeared and was eyeing HIM up, not Ford. Of course, Ford had briefly eyed her up, but that was path of the course.
"So this was what you wanted to show us?" Ford asked, keying in some details into the manual controls.
"What else? These lovely ladies are, like, so highly improbable it was just too cool to keep to myself, ya know?"
"Besides the fact you had Antilles and Celchu as competiton..." Ford muttered, sparing a moment to glance at Face and Mish.
"Look - sorry to interrupt here..." The Fearless Leader interrupted, "But what are we actually doing here?"
Mish shrugged out of her semi-comatosed state, "It's highly improbable, therefore it happened."
"Oh, right. I see." Kat(rin) said, seeming to understand her.
Kat looked at Kat, "Did you understand that?" She asked.
Kat shrugged, "Not really, but you learn to ignore the confuzzlement after a while."
The room went silent for a few moments.
Anti spoke up, "Well?" She asked.
"Oh..." Said Zaphod, the left-head's mind zoning back into the present, from where it had been in the gutter contemplating what he could do with his three hands and a pretty WAASer, or two . . . "Yeah, we're, uh, well, the probability, infinite. Yeah, the Infinite Improbability Drive picked you gals up, just like it picked up Tycho, Wedge, Face and Mish."
"Oh." Some of the WAASers were still clueless.
Elizabeth nodded sagely, having read The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy.
"Where, exactly, are we going?" Ili asked.
These gals are really demanding! Zaphod's Right Mind thought.
"That's it!" Mish snapped out of the uncomfortable silence which had been a huge part of this section of the fic, "I've got to do something drastic!"
"Such as?" Ford asked.
"Don't distract her." Face said back.
"Too late!" Kat said, "Mish gets distracted easily."
Sure enough, in Mid-Drastic Action, Mish had completely forgotten whatever it was she was about to do.
"Well?" asked Ili, "Are we going to do anything drastic?" she wasn't really paying attention however, as she was eyeing up Zaphod. [Thanks for this line, Ili!]
"We're going to do something drastic!" Zaphod said, pointing all three hands at her in a 'cool dude' fashion. "Yeah, babe, that's exactly what we're going to do. Drastic. Something. Yeah. Cool. Drastic action is what we're going to take."
"Something . . . Drastic."
AJ groaned, as did a few other WAASers.
Ili smiled sweetly at Zaphod.
An' was blissfully oblivious.
"Here's what we're going to do..." Zaphod said. "We, are, going, to . . ."
"Use commas madly?" Kat(rin) winced, "'Cause if you do that, I'll never forgive you."
*Cough*"QueenOfCommas!Kat?"*cough* Mish said, between coughs.
"No, we're going to do . . . this!" Zaphod eyed a particuarly nasty looking large red button, and pressed it with his third hand.
The WAASers, Ford, Face, Zaphod, Tycho and Wedge all found themselves lying in a heap in a dark room. The Author will not divulge who in particular was enjoying this position, though, in order to keep a sense of the mysterious.
"Welcome to Milliways, Restaurant at the End of the Universe!" A loudspeaker welcomed them.
Claire was the first to speak up, "Ford, hon', will you get your hand OFF me?"
A groan of annoyance from Ford (presumably) and then Ili screached, "Who was that?!"
"Cool it, baby. Cool it."
"No, sorry, that was Face."
"It was? I wondered who I was... Ah, yeah, that's a bit more like it."
"You're right. It is."
"How about this?"
"Slightly more like it, yeah."
"I'm over here, sorta, under something."
"SomeONE you mean!"
"Oh, sorry, is that you?"
"No, but that was!"
"Where does Tycho begin and Wedge end?"
"Don't ask me! I don't want to know..."
"Look, we're going to have to stop this soon."
"Aw, man, do we have to?"
"Ford, get OFF!"
"That wasn't me! I'm innocent."
"From that, I can tell you're not."
"Zaphod, is that your hand?"
"Hands, man, hands."
"What was that?"
""That was just, ah, yeah. Sorry about that."
"You're fine, I mean, ah, that's fine. It's okay."
The lights switched themselves on.
Mostly all of the WAASers blushed, and mostly all of the guys smirked.
"If you'll follow me, sirs, madames, I'll show you to your table."
Continued in Part Four