First and Last
by Tarnneth


Wedge lay in the bunk listening to the man next to him snoring softly. He was thinking. Staring at the ceiling and thinking. The other man shifted in his sleep, said something impossible to understand and snuggled closer to his side. For the first time in the hour or so since they had made love, Wedge looked at Luke, really looked at him. The young man's blond hair fell across his forehead in disheveled locks. His eyes were closed but his full lips were slightly parted. Puffs of breathe left that constantly pouting mouth and blew over his cleft chin.

Force, how he wanted to slide his tongue over that mouth and slip into the comfortable warmth he’d found there. That dimple in his chin begged to be kissed. Wedge’s eyes traveled next to the fine neck and the sweet hollow in the young man’s throat. Again he was taken aback by how much he wanted to bury his face into that hollow and breathe in the scent of Luke’s skin. The intensity of his emotions for Luke was beginning to worry him.

"I didn’t have it this bad for . . ." And he thought it, almost said the name aloud in fact. He had avoided using the man’s name for months after his death. Even just thinking the name was hard.

Sighing he returned his eyes to the ceiling and tried to fall asleep. If he didn’t get some sleep he was gonna catch hell for it. If he walked into the mess hall in the morning looking even a little droopy-eyed he’d be bombarded by leers and rude comments. He could hear them now. "You look tired Wedge, up late plowing the field?" or "Hey Wedge, I didn’t know you wanted to be a farm-hand!" and other equally vulgar statements.

Janson, on the other hand, would probably just shake his head and say "So when did you get so lucky Antilles?"

When did I get so lucky? he thought looking at Luke’s serene sleeping face again. He knew there were bets going on who would bag the newest Rebel Pilot. Wedge also knew that most of the bets were on him. It stood to reason that the guy who got Luke would be the same guy who had gotten . . . and then he said it, couldn’t stop . . "Biggs."

He realized he had actually said the name out loud. He looked to see if he had woken Luke at all, but he was still lost in sleep. Looking at Luke and thinking about Biggs made him ache. How strangely, wonderfully different they were, like day and night on the same world.

Biggs’ easy laughter came to him in a flood of memory. The dark, tall man with the infectious smile who would go to any lengths to make a comrade laugh, make a friend feel good, make a lover . .

The flood of new memories that came with that thought were too much for him. It felt strangely wrong to be thinking about what kind of lover Biggs had been while lying naked next to Luke. Wedge pulled himself up and sat on the edge of the bunk looking at his feet. Why was this bugging him now? There had been no doubts in his mind while he was stripping the fair-haired youth down and covering him with wet kisses. It hadn’t occurred to him to feel guilty when his face was buried in Luke’s ass. He definitely hadn’t felt any trepidation at the unbelievably beautiful things Luke’s mouth did to his cock. And finally and most telling was the spike of pleasure that surged through him when he thought about how he'd begged Luke to thrust inside him. It wasn't shame or grief or anything similar that had made him writhe and moan under the other man's body. So why, now that it was over, was he feeling like he'd betrayed his best friend?

Or at least his best friend’s memory.

That was it, wasn't it? Bad enough to have replaced Biggs so quickly with his new bunkmate, even worse that the bunkmate in question had been Biggs’s lover as well.

And not just any, lover but his first. Wedge was sure of it; the timidity with which Biggs had responded to his advances had made it fairly obvious that he wasn’t very experienced. It had been an equally simple task to figure out who had come before Wedge. When Biggs talked about Tatooine he always mentioned Luke Skywalker. The man had quickly become Wedge’s least favorite topic.

Turning around Wedge now looked at him. The universe was insane. That's all there was to it. How else could you explain the fact that months ago he had been on the verge of hating a man he had never meet and now wanted nothing more than to wake that same man up and get lost in the sight, smell, touch and taste of him. But in a way he had wanted that from the first time he saw Luke.

That day had been the start of so many things; yet he had woken up like it was any other morning at the Rebel base. He had and Biggs had untangled their bodies and headed to the showers, then to breakfast in the mess and off to their respective duties. At the noon break Wedge had stopped by the infirmary to see how his sick wingman was doing and then grabbed some food from the mess so he and Biggs could share lunch in their quarters like they always did. But Biggs wasn’t in the quarters when he got there.

Wedge could remember settling down on their bunk with a datapad and a ration bar. He had just taken a bite when Biggs burst into the room. The man was grinning ear to ear. It was a typical Biggs grin, one that made you want to smile back even bigger. But the words that came out of his mouth killed that smile before it started.

"Luke’s here! He came with Princess Leia. He’s the big hero they’ve been talking about, the one who saved her." He was beaming; his eyes were dancing, and excitement leaked off him.

"Really? Your friend from home Luke?"

"Yeah, I can’t believe it." Biggs flopped down on the bunk next to Wedge. "Luke is really here. He’s joining us."

Joining us, joining the rebellion, joining the pilots. Something pulled at Wedge’s heart, a nagging terrible knowledge that his world might be falling apart. "Biggs?"

"Listen Wedge, you’ve been a really great . . friend but I think I’m going to offer to bunk with Luke. He’s new and he needs someone he knows to, you know, get him used to things. No hard feelings buddy?"

And it was over just like that. Luke was here and it was over. Wedge looked at Biggs and felt that same old ache he’d always felt. It was a guilty ache that he felt even now just thinking about the events. He had never loved Biggs like the man had deserved. They were good friends and enjoyable lovers but that was it. At the time though he had dismissed the guilt and had just felt hurt and panic over losing Biggs to Luke.

Instead of saying that yes, his feelings were very hard he had just bent over Biggs for a kiss. One last time to feel the man’s mustache on his upper lip. To feel that same mustache flutter across his skin as Biggs undressed and kissed his lover’s body for one last time. Wedge shuddered as he remembered staring into dark eyes glittering with stardust while he entered him one last and perfect time. And for the first and last time, both men lost in the urgency of endings, they climaxed together and it was all Wedge could do not to say thank you to Biggs for giving him this. But Biggs didn’t need a verbal thank you after being given a physical one.

They had been so lost in their world that they didn’t hear the summons to the briefing room. Now they heard the alert. Scrambling, with barely time to clean up from the lovemaking, Wedge and Biggs had raced to the hanger bay to be stopped by a senior officer who reprimanded them sorely. He gave them a quick version of the mission and sent them off to their ships but before Wedge could leave the officer touched his shoulder and nodded toward Biggs’ disappearing back. "I certainly hope it was worth it, pilot."

All Wedge could do was look mournful and say that it was. Then he hurried to where his X-wing was waiting. He scanned the hanger for Biggs and saw him talking to a scrawny kid in a flight-suit. That was Luke? He didn’t seem like much. But that thought melted when he saw Luke’s face go from a sullen grimace to the sweetest smile. A smile for Biggs.

He felt a wave of double envy and guilt. Did he have to lose to Biggs to someone so handsome? With that cute little mouth, fair skin and hair, and clear blue eyes. He felt plain by comparison. What was it that Biggs always said about him and Luke? They were a couple of shooting stars. Fine then, he wouldn’t get in the way of their flight. Getting into his X-wing, Wedge became all business. He had a mission to fly; emotional turmoil meant nothing right then.

And so he flew with his usual skill and focus. He had feared at first that Luke’s inexperience would cause them trouble but he was a natural in the cockpit. When the three of them, Luke, Biggs and Wedge made their run in the trench he felt strangely right.

It wasn’t until later that any guilt set in about having to retreat from the trench. Wasn’t until he heard Biggs death over the commlink that the significance of their last intimacy came to him. It really had been their last time.

While he watched numbly a different Corellian saved Luke’s life the second time and then the kid blew up the Death Star. He was still numb as they flew back to the hanger. Through all the celebrations no matter how he much he smiled or laughed or how stiff he stood at the medal presentation, he was stuck back in another part of the day when a tall, dark man named Biggs Darklighter was loving him on the narrow bunk in their room. He tried to get drunk with the mechs and the pilots who hadn’t flown in the battle. If they thought less of him for having to retreat they didn’t show it. What they also didn’t show was sympathy for his loss. Everyone knew about him and Biggs. But they were Rebels; you could die any day so getting worked up over an affair was pointless. Nothing could pull him out of the place his mind had gone. Nothing until Luke came to him, that is.

Wedge had staggered back to his quarters planing to try harder to get drunk and cry himself out. He knew instantly when he got there that the room wasn’t empty. Luke was there with what little stuff he owned. The young man stood looking apologetic for the intrusion. His face was quiet and somber as he asked if he could bunk with Wedge. "They told me you and Biggs were friends."

Wedge’s eyes had darted to the one bunk that had seen use for months, its sheets still showing signs of what he and Biggs had last done in it. Luke’s eyes also shifted to the bed and the he got a funny little look on his face. It made him desperately more attractive. Wedge’s stomach did a terrible little flip but what surprised him more were the tears that started to slide down his cheeks.

How had Luke known to move forward and pull him into a hug? Had he just needed a shoulder to cry on too? What was going through his mind as they sat down on the bunk together crying? Wedge didn’t know who started the kiss but he ended it.

The look of hurt that Luke gave him at the rejection had sent a pang trough Wedge. "Hey, no. It’s not that I don’t want too but this is too much. I barely know you Luke, we shook hands once at the reception and now you wanna jump into bed?"

Luke gave him a funny smile. "I’m sorry I was being selfish. I just miss him so much. I never got to tell him about what happened. About Ben or the Princess or any of it."

"“So tell me about it."

And he did, the whole story, full of laughter and wonder. Luke Skywalker, Tatooine farmboy, destroyer of the Death Star, and Jedi student told Wedge everything; the purchase of the droids, being found by Ben after the Sand People attacked him, his Aunt and Uncles death, meeting Han, rescuing Leia, losing Ben, even the parts that Wedge had been there for. And it all came out in one long breath sprinkled with sound effects and giggles and bashful statements. And through it all, Wedge smiled and laughed and fought the lurch his stomach gave as he watched the man. Yes, he wanted Luke and he both thanked and cursed himself for not taking his opportunity. He hoped it wouldn’t be his only one.

And that had made him feel really terrible. Biggs was newly dead. Just that day they’d been lying together in each other’s arms for the last time. But he had also remembered why it was supposed to be their last time, because of Luke.

On that same bunk where all those things had happened, Wedge turned back around to face his new lover. That night felt like a lifetime ago instead of just a few months. That night he had said good-bye to Biggs in his mind and told him they were even, that he forgave him for wanting Luke instead. He had also asked to be forgiven for wanting him too. Somehow he felt that tonight he had that forgiveness.

"Luke?" he said brushing his fingertips across the man’s cheek "Wake up please."

The man stirred, yawned and rubbed his eyes. "Wedge? Hmmm, what’s wrong?" His hand reached up to stroke his lover’s eyebrow.

"I was just thinking about Biggs." It felt useless not to tell him. "Do you think he’d mind this?"

Luke sat up and tilted his head, thinking. "No, I think he’d understand. He told me when he left home that he didn’t want me to pine away over him," He smiled weakly. "And I’m still a little unhappy about how he treated you."

Wedge changed position and started to drop kisses on Luke’s collarbone. "It doesn’t bother me anymore. I guess it makes sense. I was attracted to you when I first saw you, so Biggs being hung up on you is forgivable." He flicked a tongue over one of Luke’s nipples and smiled at the sharp intake of breath that it caused. "Yes," he decided to himself "Biggs would understand."

He dragged his teeth over the hardening pink bud delighting in the sounds it brought from Luke. With his fingers he twisted and stroked the other nipple to a similar state. Sliding back up the man's body to his mouth he nipped at the lower lip until the mouth pressed forward against his own. Wedge's stomach fluttered at the amazing sweetness of that kiss. He pulled away from it to stare into the eyes of his lover.

""Turn around, Luke."

And he obliged, giving Wedge another of his lovely smiles. The Corellian nuzzled against the youth’s hair; the lingering scent of sweat from earlier exercise was intoxicating. Starting with the neck he began a trail of nibbling kisses down the whole of Luke's spine. He stopped at every vertebra, giving each a moment of rapt attention. While his mouth learned the shape of the backbones his hands tried to memorize the rest of the back. Fingertips moved over ribs and muscles finding tender spots that begged for touch. Luke was completely lost in the sensuality of it, voicing his pleasure with moans and whimpers. Those sounds sent ripples of joy up Wedge's own spine.

Reaching the curve of Luke's tailbone Wedge sent his tongue wriggling down the crease and stopping just above the puckered entry. The abruptness of the action made the man jump a bit. Wedge chuckled and blew a plume of air over the rosy brown flesh. He thought he saw it twitch but in the dim light of the room it was hard to be sure. With his hands he kneaded the firmness of Luke's ass and with the tip of his tongue he draw light circles around the hole.

"You like it down there don't ya?" Luke chuckled. It was the second time that night that the man's face was working between his cheeks.

"Yes, I do," Wedge, said grinning. He looked about the bed till his eyes found what they wanted. The small bottle of lube they had used earlier. Twisting a bit he captured it and quickly applied the slick stuff to a finger. He swirled the cool lube over Luke's anus and then slid the digit slowly inside. He was rewarded with a whimper and a tightening of the opening.

Reaching for his own semi-erect cock Wedge started a duel rhythm of strokes. The fingers of one hand exploring his lover's depths while the other readied himself to take up residence there. He wanted to be good and hard for this. Scrunched down at the foot of the bunk Wedge felt a wave of comfort. Right at that moment this was the perfect place to be. A second finger joined the first in Luke's ass and the man thrust his hips down to take more of the fingers.

"Wedge?" Luke choked out his name, pleading.

That made Wedge's cock twitch with powerful anticipation. He gave the waiting hole a quick kiss, tasting lube and sweat and musk, before he moved up the bunk. Not quickly enough he coated his fully erect cock with lube and set himself right at the sweet doorway. With a grunt he entered Luke for the first time. It felt like home.

Luke tensed, then released a breath and tried again to thrust back to take more of organ impaling him. Wedge marveled at how eager Luke was for this. It sent warm tickles of bliss all through him. They radiated from the part of him trapped deep in his lover's body and wormed their lovely way up his groin and into his stomach. Tendrils of pleasure curled into his legs. Slowly he pushed deeper in until the whole of his length rested solidly in that glorious tightness.

Now completely connected Wedge coaxed Luke's quivering form up enough to wrap his arms around the man’s torso, spooning him. He nuzzled his hair and neck, and brought his mouth to an ear.

"Luke," he whispered trying to make the sound a caress "I think I love you and that scares me. This is a war we're fighting. Either of us could get killed tomorrow but I'd rather die knowing I said this to you. Did this to you," and here Wedge pulled himself out just a little and slid back in bringing a moan from the man.

It felt so good being inside Luke, hearing him react to the sensations of being filled. Torn between his desire to continue plunging into him and his need to say what he felt; his voice came in a throaty murmur. "I didn't love Biggs. I liked him and I enjoyed fucking him but I didn't love him. Nothing can change what happened so it's useless to feel bad about it. What bugs me is I don't feel I was honest with him. I never said I loved him but I also didn't tell him how bad it felt to be rejected like that. And then I saw you and felt terrible for wanting you."

He chuckled sending vibrations into the Luke's ear that shivered down his spine. "How pathetic is that? Lusting after the guy you just got dumped for. But here you are, in my arms, holding me inside you, and it's perfect."

Wedge was caught off guard by sudden movement. Luke pulled his hips up until the underside of Wedge's cock-head was sitting just inside him. Then he pushed back hard taking the whole of him forcefully back into his body, making Wedge see stars.

Luke growled. "Wedge, I love you too. Now shut up and fuck me so if I do die tomorrow I'll at least die happy!"

Wedge gave a joyous burst of laugher and started to fuck Luke with great hard thrusts. With a hand still slick with lube he started to stroke the man's cock, trying best he could to match his strokes and his thrusts. Luke moaned and panted before him calling out his name and making oaths to the Force. "How could anything ever feel this good?" Wedge thought as he bit into Luke's shoulder. He sucked the flesh leaving a red mark of blood brought to the skin. His lips were again at the ear speaking franticly. "You feel so beautiful. Making love to you is so beautiful. I'm gonna come. I want this so much."

"Yes!" Luke hissed and then went stiff for just a moment. He shouted and his whole body contracted around Wedge, making his eyes go wide. With a shout of his own he felt his soul quake as the two men came together with a power that the Force itself must have felt.

The pair fought for air. Wedge felt like he was drowning for a moment and then all the tension in him washed away into the sweetness of Luke's scent and the softness of his hair. Breathing became easier. He wiped Luke's seed from his hand onto the sheets and started to pull himself from the man's ass. As he left Luke let out a disappointed groan that made Wedge grin. "Don't worry I'll be back."

"Hmmm, promise?" Luke mumbled, his voice full of sleepiness and contentment. Wedge wrapped his arms around the man again. Sleep was beginning to pull at him too. Snuggling into his lover, Wedge whispered a yes. He was suddenly looking forward to the knowing glances he was going to get in the morning. Everyone in the base had to have heard that. He sighed, "How did I get so lucky?"

Finis


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