The Coruscant Times
Where the facts don't matter
April 29, 2002

Nutcase Fey'lya in Insane Assylum

Senator Borsk Fey'lya (R- Bothawui), arrested last week on assault charges, has been placed in the Coruscant Home for Infectious Mental Diseases. Senator Fey'lya was diagnosed with paranoid personality disorder and general mental instability, demonstrated many times during his years in politics and culminating in the attack on Lt Derek Klivian. When told of his assailant's fate, Lt Klivian snorted and said "He [Senator Fey'lya] is an infectious disease."

Dr. Ton Phanan, assistant director of the facility and Fey'lya's principal jailer, said that the Senator's disorders manifest themselves in many different ways. "For example," the doctor said, "last night he thought he was a naner fruit and went skipping down the corridor, singing 'Yes, we have no Naners'. Then he put on a dancer's skirt and tried to twirl down the steps, but he fell and started crying for his daddy."

On another occasion, Dr Phanan stated, Senator Fey'lya attempted a daring escape. "He tried to get out through the ventilation shafts, but he couldn't get past our attack Jawas." Apparently the Jawas accosted the Senator and demanded payment for a used R2 unit. Nurses extricated the Senator before the situation could get ugly.

Emergency elections are being held on Bothawui for a replacement. Check back next week for updates.

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