This is a work of fanfiction. Star Wars is the property of George Lucas and LFL. No profits were made and no disrespect is intended with this fic.

Who Says Jedi Never Get Laid?
by Arwen

So there I was, sitting in DownTime with the Rogues, listening to Wes talk about his latest escapade, when he turned to me totally at random and said, "Sithspit Luke! You need to get LAID!"

Where did this image that Jedi never get laid come from?

Wes has obviously never visited the academy at Yavin.

I am teaching these people the most complicated discipline in the galaxy: I make a point of teaching them how to relax as well. I mean, a well-rounded Jedi knows how to make someone think they're a mynock, can levitate a Death Star, and can give someone a good solid fucking.

I make a point of treating all of my apprentices equal. No-one shares my bed more than the next one- except for the ones I'm related to by blood, and for them I find something different. And equally exciting.

There is never any grounds for jealousy here- they all know that. I don't HIDE what I do, but I don't flaunt it either. I keep it in my bedroom and my office- there are some rather young apprentices and nothing happens until they reach puberty. When someone walks in my office to talk to me while I'm banging away on the desk, they know to just wait- I'll be done soon. There's never even any "I can't believe you were doing that"- not even when Jacen walked in when I was fucking Tenel Ka (and I must say, the witches of Dathomir certainly are flexible!). The only conversations about it that I have ever heard are along the lines of "How do you bend your back like that?"

I swear, they MUST be talking about it. I used to pride myself on being able to control myself, but they ALL know how to get me off. I mean, the other day, when I wasn't feeling particularly frisky, Corran walked into my office while I was doing some paperwork, pulled my chair back, and without so much as a by-your-leave, yanked back my clothes and started blowing me! I am capable of controlling my bodily functions and I had a mind to not get aroused- but that went right out the window as soon has his mouth closed around me. He knew EXACTLY what to do.

So where did this image of the staid-and-chaste Jedi come from?

In my opinion, the greatest thing you can do for the Force is create a child to be part of it- and how to you get babies but by fucking wildly?

So much of life is pain, and bearing the weight of the Force is hard. My Jedi need to know pleasure- and what is greater pleasure than nuzzling the pubic fur of a young Bothan?

I mean, I have obligations here!

Maybe I should teach Wes a few things.


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