Once there were three little fighter pilots named Wes, Tycho, and Hobbie who lived together in mutual respect, honored TAWG, and lived in harmony with their environment. Using materials that were indigenous to the area, they each built a beautiful base. Wes!Pilot built a house out of straw, Hobbie!Pilot built a base of sticks, and Tycho!Pilot built a base of dung, clay, and creeper vines shaped into bricks and heated in a small kiln. When they were finished, the three pilots were satisfied with their work and settled back to live in peace and self-determination.

But their idyll was soon shattered. One day, along came a big bad Palpatine!Wolf with expansionist ideas. He saw the pilots and grew very hungry, in both a physical and an ideological sense. When the pilots saw the Emperor, they ran into the house of straw.

Palpatine! Wolf ran to the base and rang the bell, shouting, "Rebel scum, rebel scum, bow to the dark side!"

The pilots shouted back, "Your gunboat tactics hold no fear for brave sentient beings defending their homes and culture!"

But the Emperor wasn't to be denied what he thought was his manifest destiny. So he muttered and he cursed, and with a mighty burst of blue lightning, set the base on fire. The frightened pilots jumped into their X-wings and flew out the back hangar and into the base of sticks's hanger, with Palpatine!Wolf's lackey, Vader!Wolf in hot pursuit in his TIE Interceptor. Where the base of straw had stood, a group of Imperial bureaucrats bought up the land and started a sunfruit liqueur plantation. At the base of sticks, Palpatine!Wolf again rang the bell and yelled, "Rebel scum, rebel scum, bow to the dark side!"

The pilots shouted back, "Go to hell, you imperialistic oppressor of the innocent!"

At this, Palpatine!Wolf chuckled condescendingly. He thought to himself, "They are so childlike in their ways. It will be a shame to see them go, but progress cannot be stopped."

So he muttered and he cursed, and with a mighty burst of blue lightning, set the base on fire. The pilots jumped into their X-wings and flew off to the base of bricks. Where the base of sticks had stood, Imperials built a time-share condo resort complex for vacationing Imperials, with each unit a transperisteel reconstruction of the base of sticks, as well as native curio shops, snorkeling, and dolphin shows.

At the base of bricks, Palpatine!Wolf again rang the bell shouting, "Rebel scum, rebel scum, bow to the dark side!"

This time the pilots sang songs of solidarity and wrote letters of protest to the Senate Subcommittee on Inter-Dogmatic Conflict.

By now Palpatine!Wolf was getting angry at the pilots' refusal to see the situation from the Imperial point of view. So he muttered and he cursed, and muttered and cursed, and fell over dead when his white blood sell count went down the drain in a case of Mega-Leukemia caused by excessive exposure to energy.

The three pilots rejoiced that justice had triumphed and did a little Ewok dance around the corpse of the Emperor. Their next step was to liberate the galaxy. They gathered together a band of pilots who had been forced from their homes. This new brigade of Rogues attacked the resort complex with blaster rifles and proton torpedos and slaughtered the cruel Imperial oppressors, sending a clear signal to the rest of the galaxy not to meddle in their affairs. Then the pilots set up a model socialist democracy with free education, universal health care, and affordable housing for everyone.

Back to Challenge 5