The Force. The living Force that fills all things, that brings life, death, and the most indescribable pleasure, according to Charli Cherub, originally of Raltiir.

"You just have no idea what they can do. I thought the Force was just good for raising rocks and stuff, but...mmmmmm.... a properly trained Jedi can raise anything."

Mrs Cherub is only one of a string of females and males that seek their pleasure at the hands (among other parts) of Master Luke Skywalker and his students. By all accounts, their services are more than worth the price.

"I'd pay double. Really. Don't print that; I don't want them to raise their prices." Wealthy patrons such as Baron Boutlic'ar spend many hours in the newly-restored Temple. Its sumptuous interior is said to consist of velvet wall hangings (depicting scenes from The Scented Gardern, supposedly written by the late Master Yoda) and gilt-edged mirrors. The only thing more enticing than the decorations are the Jedi themselves.

One lovely young woman, known to friends and clients as 'Glimmer Girl,' is among the Temple favorites. A strapping lad, Kam Solusar, is another popular rental. But none, of course, surpass the handsome Jedi Master himself.

The Times has heard that Master Skywalker lost his right hand in a near-fatal battle with a Sith Lord, and replaced it with an appendage that can be changed to suit his clients' taste. Though we have no been able to confirm that, we do not doubt the truth of it, and have occupied many hours wondering what sorts of things might be done with, say, tentacles. Or one of those little vibrating...um... yeah.

Master Skywalker could not be reached for comment, nor could his sister, Leia Organa-Solo. It is not known if Counselor Organa-Solo, who is known to have some Force ability herself, is involved with this scandalous venture. One can only hope.

Next week: A Rogue Squadron pilot with Jedi ties... is he available at the Temple?

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