Notice: I know where you live, Klivian

Q: How can I get my landlord to fix the leaky plumbing? I've been asking for months!

A: First, file a report with the Senate Sub-Commitee for landlord-tenant disputes. Then meet with Ark Gn'arl, head of Bothans for the Ethical Treatment of Bothans. He'll put you in touch with an attorney who specializes in mal-treatment of Bothan tenants. He-- what? You're not Bothan?

Screw you!

Q: My life-partner's ex is moving to Coruscant. How can I make it clear that he's mine now, while not appearing jealous?

A: Not appear jealous? You're supposed to appear jealous! It's the first step of the Bothan Claiming Ritual. The former flame arrives you bare your teeth. S'he reaches for your lifemate, who is sitting passively between you, and you growl. S'he then backs away with her/his tail between her/his legs. If the bitch persists, rip his arms off.

Q:How do I clean the grout in my bathroom?

A: Why are you asking me? Is that what Bothans are to you, domestic servants? Do I look like a maid? Do I look like a cleaning person? Should I mince around in a little apron and cap? Should I wear a short skirt and bend over when I dust the lower shelves? Huh? Huh?!?! Should I--

The Times would like to extend its get-well wishes to Senator Fey'lya and hope that his stay in the sanitarium is as restful as possible.

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