Note: I have not lost any bottles, and any callers offering to let me "suck on this" will be reported to the constabulary.

Q: My neighbors are so noisy. They scream and yell until three a.m., then they make this awful racket that sounds like a headboard banging against the wall. I've tried calling the guards, but nothing stops them. What do I do?

A: Quit complaining. At least we don't blast Barty Maniblow recordings at all hours.

Q: I hate my job. All day long I have to wait on people who can't even grasp rudimentary math skills. I'd like to change jobs, but I like my co-workers-- and it pays better than enything else in the area. What should I do?

A: If your only complaint is that your customers are mathematically challenged, I suggest that you educate them. Pamphlets are available from Fey'lya publishing that give short arithmetic lessons along with a brief history of the galaxy and the importance of Bothans in the continued excellence of our education system.

Q: I've heard that Bothans make the best lovers, but I can't get past the breath. Is there a mint or a spray that can take care of this?

A: Of course! Fey'lya, Inc. manufactures a spray as part of our Bothan Beautiful line, called Fresh Fangs. It's garunteed to make your breath smell just like a Bothan in heat, and has been known to attract both genders.

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