Due to the recent incapacitation of our usual columnist, the Times has asked Captain Garik "Face" Loran and Flight Officer Ton Phanan to answer this week's mail.

Q: I'm about to start my second year at the University of Coruscant, and my best friend thinks we should room together. It sounds cool, but is it a good idea to bunk with buddies?

Phanan: That's a tough situation. You don't want to hurt your friend's feelings, but you also don't want to listen to him clip his toenails. At least with a stranger, you can throw something at him. Friends take finesse.
Loran: What would you know about finesse? You store your dirty socks on my bed!
Phanan: Just so you won't miss me when I'm gone. You like it, admit it.

Q: Why does the NR prohibit honor killings?

Loran: Because the stench of bodies might detract from Eau de Coruscant.

Q: I have a problem talking to females that I like. I have female friends, and I can talk to them fine, but really hot females get me tongue-tied.

Phanan: Practice on hot guys. Why don't you give me a call....

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