The Coruscant Times
Where the facts don't matter
October 8, 2001

Rogue Squadron or Rouge Squadron?

The fur flies as the New Republic's most celebrated pilots are accused of being pretty boys. It seems that the stores of makeup kept for Rogue Squadron are not utilized by the squadron's two females alone.

"Mascara. Lipstick. Glitter!" rages Councilor Borsk Fey'lya. "It's a disgrace!" General Horton Salm, Starfighter Command, agrees. "We can't have people thinking that our pilots are a lot of... of prissies. What will the Imps think?"

The pilots themselves vehemently deny all charges. "Gay? Not at all," asserts Lt Derek "Hobbie"Klivian. "I mean, guys are fun. I wouldn't turn one down, but I like girls too. And Twi'leks. And Bothans. I guess a better word would be omnisexual."

"No, I don't wear lipstick," Captain Tycho Celchu assured us. "Wedge would just bite it off, anyway. Like my fingernail polish?"

It is feared that the corruption has spread to another of Wedge Antilles' projects: the intelligence unit Wraith Squadron. When question about the appropriateness of relations between squadmates, Captain Garik "Face" Loran had this to say: "I don't see what the problem is. I mean, no one's gone wonky because Kell [Tainer] and Tyria [Sarkin] hooked up. We spend every single day in very close quarters, of course we're going to get close. Besides, I'd have to be mad not to go for him" [indicates Lt Ton Phanan].

Several people have reported seeing members of both squadrons visiting the infamous Ho!Mart. Curiously, none of these people wish to be indentified. But no matter-- the Times remains determined to bring you breaking news in this matter.

This week's top stories:

Rogue Squadron Pilot with Ties to Jedi Scandal!
Rogue Squadron's Bothan Connection
Vermin Loose in Lower Levels!

Regular Features:

Ask Councilor Fey'lya
Classified Ads
Smashball Stats

WeatherWatch: Rain. Rain, rain, rain.

Retraction: Tele Cha'iry, mentioned last week as a paramour of Lt Wes Janson, wishes it to be known that she has never been, nor will ever be, a stripper. "We were all under Sith influence when those holopics were taken. Plus I was drunk. Plus you can't prove it was me."

View last week's issue

Brought to you by the hos at WAAS
Managing Editor: Antigone
Contributors: Izzy, Claire, Katrielle

Bars by