We apologize for last week's lack of Times. The staff expected the galaxy to end, partied accordingly, and spent the last week in detox.
Non-Destruction Rocks Galaxy!
In an unexpected twist of fate, the galaxy did not implode last Wednesday, as predicted. Miss Cleah, erstwhile prognosticator, admitted that "sometimes poodoo happens."
But poodoo does not happen when the Times has paid good money for non-poodoo. Therefore, the Times has filed suit against Cleah, Inc, and its CEO, Miss Cleah (formerly Bertha Bithen Bangers).
1) Whereas Cleah, Inc received payment for services, and
2) Whereas those services were not provided, or were not satisfactory, and
3) Whereas Miss Cleah is a lying womprat,
We the plaintiff demand full refund and ask that Cleah, Inc's liscensing be revoked.
Cleah, Inc responded:
1) Whereas the Coruscant Times are a crew of morons who believe anything, and
2) Whereas the Cleah Hotline is for entertainment purposes only, and
3) Whereas you get what you pay for,
We the defendent don't owe them anything cause they're stupid and what do you expect for cr3.5?
Clearly, this situation will continue to demand the full attention of every galactic citizen, especially since it'll be front-page news for a least a month.
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Managing Editor: Antigone
Special Classifieds and Horoscopes Editor: Claire