The Coruscant Times
Where the facts don't matter
October 22, 2001

The End of the Galaxy!

Coruscant's preeminent psychic, Miss Cleah, revealed that the galaxy will implode on November 7th. In a statement given to the Times Grik Ano, Cleah confirmed recent fears that the galaxy's declining morality and generosity will lead to its destruction.

"Cross my palm with fifty credits, I give you good luck. Cross my palm with twenty credits, I give you bad luck with option to upgrade. Five credits? Five credits? I condemn you to eternity floating in the remains of the soon-to-be-imploding galaxy!"

Cleah has made a name for herself with this sort of curse. Stefort'una, our Twi'lek accounts manager, blames the psychic for his eldest child's gross deformity.

"She said-- 'May your son be born with big fleshy appendages coming out of his head. And may he have nasty big pointy teeth.' And look at him! Look what she did!"

Such dire predictions have not endeared her to the Coruscant public. Her offices have twice been stormed by angry mobs screaming "Burn the witch," but both times they were deflected by the inexplicable death of their attack mynocks.

Next week: The best places to view the end of the galaxy.

This week's top stories:

Coruscant's Newest Superstar
Ho!Mart's Big Sale
Smog is Bad for You!

Regular Features:

Ask Councilor Fey'lya
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Smashball Stats

WeatherWatch: Like you people ever go outside.

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